Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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