I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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