i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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