i would punch a child for taco bell
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
