i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
pop tarts are not kleenex
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
