i would punch a child for taco bell
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
