Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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