I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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