What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
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