Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
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I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
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Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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