I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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