im drinking this country out of the recession.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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