i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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