You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
