i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
