Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
