i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you traded sex for a burrito?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
