32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
