I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Congratulations! We have a period
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