Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
