and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
