If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
