i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
