There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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