Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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