I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
