Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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