you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
