guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
