I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
