and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
