i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
