he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
