just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
