So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
