eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
