She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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