My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
