Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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