I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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