just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
