Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
