I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
