so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
