I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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