That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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