you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
