We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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