i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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