I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
