i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you will always have a special place in my vag
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
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I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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