You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
