That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
