i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's blow job season.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
