took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
