yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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