During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
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