We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
