According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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