I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
