We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
