We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
